No Retreat. No Surrender. Part 4 - So, What Now?

I’ve had over a week now to sit back and really analyze what went wrong with my race. Some things have to change – I’m well aware of that now. I’m more of a competitor than I thought; it’s not just enough for me to finish, and once the shine had worn off of Shawnigan, I was ultimately disappointed with my performance. Not my determination, but my mental preparation, my training, and my time.

During the past ten days or so, I’ve run the entire gamut of emotion – from deciding to forgo any open water swim triathlons until I’m considerably more comfortable in the water, to deciding to continue racing with things the way they are. Mentally I’ve bounced around like a pinball…I have to thank Cin for being a sounding board and ultimately helping me come to my final decision. She sees things from a very logical, almost detached perspective, and has the ability to ‘talk me off of the ledge’. The fact that she’s a former competitive swimmer and diver really helps; she understands the mind of the competitive athlete.

So, here’s what I’ve learned…and here’s what I’ve decided.

1. Training – my training sucked. I should’ve started with Tier 2 training at the least. I’m not a rookie anymore, and taking the chickenshit way out…starting my season on the Tier 1 program…did nothing but hold me back. I simply wasn’t challenged, and consequently when I stepped into the ‘big kids’ pool’ I was way out of my league. As of June 1, I’ve started the Tier 2 program, and if it’s not challenging enough by the end of the month, I’ll go straight to Tier 3 for the last three weeks before Locarno.
2. Open water swimming – the fear, the cold, the pressure…I wasn’t ready for any of it. It was the first true open water swim I’ve ever done, and I am so thankful for my Zoot. If it wasn’t a wetsuit legal swim, I wouldn’t have made it, I’m sure. Before I even consider stepping into the water for my next race, I need to be comfortable in the water, and transfer my TI training to the open water environment. To that end, I’m jumping into Peter Scott’s back pocket, and I’m going to the Vancouver Open Water Swim Society’s Thursday afternoon/evening swims at Kits. The only way to conquer this fear is to take it on head-first. Having said that, my comfort level in the water will dictate whether or not I race Locarno and Sooke.
3. Future races - I’m registered for Locarno and Sooke, but I refuse to let myself buckle under that pressure; if I’m not where I need to be for those events, I won’t be racing. To me, it’s no longer just good enough to finish…that was fine for my first tri, and taught me my lessons in my second tri. It’s now all about improving from race to race. The Walnut Grove triathlon in August is a pool swim, so if I don’t feel ready for Locarno, Walnut Grove will become my next ‘A’ race, and I’ll wait on Sooke until I’m at the cancellation date for our B&B reservation.
4. Team training – As much as I love Eric Harr’s book – my personal training bible – I think I’ve pretty much reached the end of the rope with it. Cin spent a lot of time listening to the sprint athletes who finished ahead of me, and noticed that a lot of them, a majority of them, belong to and train with a team, a club, other athletes. I’ve been a lone wolf, basically because I have body image issues that have stopped me from wanting to work out with other triathletes – nobody likes to be the slow fat kid in class. However, I can learn a quick and easy lesson from everyone in the field at Shawnigan Lake…it’s time to join a club. Just as soon as I…
5. Upgrade my gear – this whole racing on a mountain bike thing is done. Luigi was great for my first race, but now that I know what I’m doing and I’ve decided to pursue bigger and better dreams in this sport, it’s time to get serious. My bike leg time will not improve significantly until I buy the farm and get on a road/TT bike; I also won’t be able to keep up on group rides in whatever club I join if I’m still riding a full-bore off road mountain bike. It’s simply a question of ‘how serious am I about ths?’ No one shows up to play hockey in figure skates with a ringette stick…no one who’s serious about triathlon shows up for a group training ride on a mountain bike, a unicycle, or a Big Wheel. So, there will be an investment in a Cervelo at the end of this season when they all go on sale. In the meanwhile, I’m going to desperately seek the use of a road bike – 10 or 21 speed – for the rest of the summer. So if anyone has a bike sitting in a garage or a storage locker, gathering dust, please let me know…I’d be more than happy to borrow it off of you until the middle of September, and give it a full tune-up/repair.
6. Nutrition – Of all of the things that held me back from performing to the peak of my abilities, this was the second more important after my poor training program. Quite simply, my nutrition was horrendous for the past eight weeks. If I want to be an athlete, I’m going to have to start eating like an athlete…that means discipline. Eating every 3-4 hours. Proper combinations of carbs/protein/fat. Realizing that the standard North American diet is a shortcut to heart disease, high blood pressure, and early death. As much as I love…love…LOVE…fast food, I’m going to have to develop the discipline to limit my intake to once a week…a Sin Day. It’s a concept that’s been used in every single major training plan for the longest time…pro athletes from wrestlers to hockey players to baseball players to triathletes use a Sin Day because complete and total denial of those tasty little treats that we love so much usually leads to binge eating and depression. Neither of those options are particularly appealing…so discipline it is.
7. The mental game – My mental work leading up to this race was pathetic. I’m being blunt here. It was absolutely pathetic. I was probably doing 10% of the mental preparation that I should’ve been doing leading up to race day, and I know that it cost me time, confidence and caused some subconscious damage. Now, to go back and undo all of that in the next 38 days. It’s an uphill battle, but the body truly does follow the mind, so getting on top of this aspect of my game is vital to the rapid development of my race skills and going into Locarno with a sense that I’ll be okay.
8. Keep my ego in check – A healthy self-confidence is one thing, but I had a sense of delusion and arrogance that wound up biting me in the ass, hard. By the time I realized that I was in over my head, it was too late – I was there, I was committed, and I couldn’t back out in front of Cin. However, the idea that my ego likes to write cheques that my body is nowhere near being able to cash has not been lost on me. I was quite humbled by this race; it opened my eyes to the fact that I need to be conscious that I’m not yet ready to be a contender in my age group, and just because I race triathlons doesn’t provide me with a excuse to feel smug or superior at any time. It’s cool to be able to call oneself a triathlete; it’s even cooler to really deserve the mantle.
9. Stop putting the cart before the horse - I’m struggling uphill in this sport; I don’t have a solid grounding in any of the three disciplines – I hadn’t swam since I was in my young teens, I only started running last year thanks to Cin and the Running Room, and I hadn’t seriously biked. Ever. Most athletes who decide to race triathlon do it because they’re experienced marathoners, or cyclists, or…rarely…Masters swimmers, and want to take things to a new level personally. In my case, add to that mix the extra fifty or so pounds that I’m carrying on my frame, and it comes down to learning to walk before I can run. Cin’s suggestion was that I focus on losing the weight first through training rather than throwing myself into another three or so races this season. I agree, but I also fight that notion because quite honestly, training for weeks on end without a goal race to work towards is frustrating and can really increase my chances of burning out altogether. I’m going to increase my training level and monitor my continuing progress; at any time I’m going to allow myself to change my mind on things – if I blow a race off because I don’t feel like I’m going to race effectively or I’m not where I need to be physically, so be it. I want to do well at this sport, and more importantly…have fun. Continuing to race at the back of the pack is just not enjoyable for me.
10. Learn to let things go – Cin has made the point that I tend to take things hard, constantly. I demand that my body respond to every workout that I have scheduled, and when things don’t go as planned, I tend to get irritable and difficult to live with…a bit of a primadonna, really. There are going to be off days; rather than getting mad and making things worse mentally, I need to learn that sometimes the best thing to do is just pack it in and get a good night’s sleep, rather than force the issue. I need to learn to lay back sometimes and just let the process take care of itself – it will greatly reduce the stress in my life, and the conflict between me and those closest to me who support my efforts to become an Ironman.

Well, that’s essentially it.

Like I mentioned, this race kind of stripped me down and showed me what I’m made of, and that was the best thing that came out of the weekend. I know I’m tough enough to soldier through this, and I’m glad that I learned these lessons earlier in the process than later.

Now, phase 2 of my training begins…the week after Shawnigan was spent doing some light workouts. Thirty minutes in the pool. Forty-five minutes on the bike Saturday morning…the workouts themselves didn’t really mean anything – there was no drive, no intensity since I was still contemplating my next move. The decisions have now been made, and I feel…quiet. At ease with myself and my conclusions.

Onwards.

Esse quam videri, friends.